Dancing Through Darkness

Out on the grand stage

The lights are blinding, people are gathered

All that matters right now is this moment

This very moment

It means more than anything else

So much time spent on getting the moves right

Understanding the music

Understanding the calculated landings

How they go in sync

Expressing the practiced pirouette with grace

Consciously being full of expression, full of extension

Yet deliberately containing yourself

Remember, don’t be too much

Too much can withdraw the respect, the admiration of others

Putting in all those hours, the hours spent rehearsing

Refining

They are all leading to this very moment

But right there, at the bottom of your mind

Just about where skull meets neck

There is a lingering voice, a lingering thought

This thought it stalks, this thought loiters uninvited

This thought is left unsaid, under-developed, unrecognizable to the those closest to you

Most of the time, unrecognizable to even yourself

These roaring thoughts, they seep, they pour

Subconsciously, without your notice, they start to exploit

Sometimes they work even harder than you let yourself work

How can that be? Something so connected to you, yet you feel so far away

These obtrusive thoughts, they begin to hinder your true potential

Stopping your intrinsic, your real happiness from being appreciated

You slowly become stage shy

You quickly fail to recall the next spin, the next landing

The one you stayed up numerous nights practicing

Because the thoughts, they become all consuming

Thoughts of parents who only knew to speak through abuse

Physical, Emotional, Mental

Abuse, all the same

All one language

Seemingly enough, this becomes the only language you fluently learned

At an age where you should be learning cursive

You keep forgetting what was practiced next, third position?

Too easy, you once thought

You forget how to land even in second position

The language

Of the best friend you spoke to enthusiastically of life one day

So vigorously, full of light, full of life

Enough to never to imagine that the next day

The next day their seat in front of you, it would become forever empty

You text

You call

You go to 2nd hour

You do not know this now but soon you will

Soon you will know this best friend, this light was in so much pain

That the only way out, was far, far away

Plie? No way you can land that now

The language

Of your brothers friend

Quickly turned family, who went before his life had even began

Went far away, to a place no one knows much about

A place we all want to understand and find faith in

A place we can only hope he is happier in

The crowd is quiet now, they’re now waiting for your next setback

The language

The language of multitudes of tragedy

The language of a solo gone wrong

You forget to sauter correctly, what is next?

The language

Of the ones closest to you hurting

Hurting so bad

Yet, you yourself, you feel immobile

Unable, inadequate

Inadequate to perform, inadequate to be there for them

The lights are blinding you now

Because at the bottom of your mind, just about where skull meets neck

You realize you can help them, with words, with comfort

With safety, with reassurance that this isn’t it, this isn’t all of it

Are you too late?

Who are you to provide that?

You just had one dance

Why does this moment matter so much?

But here you go, you quiet the noise

Drown out the crowd

And remember, fiercely remember you have been here before

You have been broken, down, alone

You have forgotten all your practiced moves

All the time you spent on perfecting your landing

Yet, you didn’t prevent the obtrusive thoughts from lingering

Here is the now, the lights are blinding, the people gathered

Right now all that matters is this moment

This very moment

It means more than anything else

This pirouette is not just you spinning on your left foot four spins later

This very moment, this very spin, if conquered correctly

This very landing will give you the strength to provide others

Provide others with the will to move forward

Ensue them with the poise, the grace they need to fall into their next move

Help them understand how to gracefully land their calculated moves

And also in essence, your own

Know how to be full of expression, full of extension within oneself

All those hours you have spent practicing

It was never only for you, or for this expected, perfected moment

Once you allow yourself to translate your movements, to words unspoken

Then maybe, just maybe

Your dance, you practiced landings, your hurt, your scars, your stories

They all slowly, beautifully become one in the same

You might be covered with scars, with unspoken hurt

But this very recipe is what makes you, you

Look now, strong woman, look up at those blinding lights

Smile at that gathered crowd

Perfectly land that pirouette and all the ones after

For now you have shown others, the pain is worth the practice, worth the hurt, worth the scars

Because at the end of your pirouette, you are not only getting it right for yourself

That language you learned, the only one you thought you knew fluently

You are now able to create a new one, not one that destroys

But one that rescues